A CHILDHOOD WISH

ann marie mckenzie

(A poem of the reflection on a time in my childhood life.)

*
I wish, oh I wish for impossible things,

A certain simple happiness that childhood often brings.

first off  I wished we had a kitchen,

like some friends, I usually went visiting.

And used to torment myself with hoping we’d get a sofa,

to replace the creaking patio chair we had in that area.
*

Oh our tiny chapel looking house was just fragments,

of this and that; of people’s once upon a time convenience.

A comfort they’d out grown,

out-of-dated pieces, almost now unknown.

*

I wished my dad had loved us,

And wished we hadn’t caused him such disgust.

To him we were a burden of grief,

So he stayed away to find relief,

of the idea he had no children or wife,

and that he led a splendid single life.

*

I wished my mother didn’t have to starve to death,

At meal times when there’s not much left.

She’d make one scrambled egg go eight times around,

with golf ball Johnny cakes, she sometimes wear a frown.

*

Well, we had a small Formica dining table,

One of the few pieces we were able,

to own and a box spring single bed for the boys,

us girls, coir mattress twin bed was a joy.

*

But I mostly, terribly wished we had a TV,

to watched ‘The Little House on The Prairie’,

and ‘The Six Million Dollar Man’ on Friday nights some.

Oh it was exultingly hard; kind of bitter-sweet fun,

*

to watch the show from outside the neighbor’s window sill,

on those between moon nights, at times in the after rain chill.

And on the cliff hanger, we’d rushed on home,

filled with excitement, but glad it was done.

*

Because as soon we fled the night street,

We’d sneaked under hole riddled beds sheet,

and better be quiet or less we’d be caught,

but in good spirit, we can’t wait for  next week’s part.

*

I wished we didn’t have to walk,

one long mile and a half.

To fetch water, carrying on our heads,

In five gallon white paint buckets on makeshift Kata beds,

*

And wished we didn’t have to wake in the wee hours of the morning,

to gather fire woods and prepare it for makeshift stove burning,

then mother would do all the rest,

and make, to us, the finest breakfast.

*

I wished we didn’t stay so long in church on a typical Sunday,

as we’d have to walk two miles to school early  start Monday.

I wished we had time to play more last lick and hide and seek,

and dolly houses and not seen as the neighborhood freaks.

and wished we’d wear more better looking clothes,

instead of those off sizes foreign outdated church relief hand me downs.

*

I wished my dad had supported me,

rather than spend his money on my mother’s matey.

And wished he’d paid my brilliant brain big sister’s exam fee,

So she could advance to college in the city.

*

I really wished he hadn’t move to Kingston,

leaving us and mother, abandoned.

And wished my mother was a nurse,

as she told us she was studying the course.

But after she’d married my dad,

She could no more afford to, life was bad.

*

I used to wish I was rich like some kids at my school.

They had nice things, trendy bag pack and shoes that rule,

And lots of lunch money to show off with and spend.

Oh our poverty life knows no end.

*

I wished my mother hadn’t drag me along,

when she couldn’t manage the days’ work on some,

of the times when the washing job got too hard,

and her arthritis hands and whitlow fingers swelled and hurt bad.

*

And I just wished I could dismissed the feelings I had,

of shame, inferiority, eternal poorness, degradation, that made me so sad.

I wished I didn’t have to tell my childhood story to you so raw,

But I think after so long ago, I feel somewhat thaw.

ROBOT FOLLOWING

Honestly, this is what Blogging/ Robot Following is about in this day-and-age. People do feel offended when they click your FOLLOW or LIKE button and you don’t return the courtesy. Even if your post merits attention, it will get flap; the strict daily dose of Robot Medicine. This pic says it all.

Robot following

LOVETH NOT

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My soul sought thee whom I loveth,

whom doth loveth me not.

In my bed at night, I cried… I hoped… I waited,

but in vain I found thee not.

 

My soul wept for a love that was supposed to be mine,

I prayed… I pleaded…I dreamed,

but in vain I found love not.

Then my soul doth drowned in pain and despair,

because my misery was too much to bear.

 

Consumed with grief and hopelessness,

lost and alone I sought to end my stress.

Then I finally had my kill,

and succumbed to my fate and will.

 

And died bereft of love and in vain,

before the love of my life finally came.

By my grave, wept for me,

and a love that’s suppose to be.

 

But if only I knew all this time,

he felt the same but couldn’t be mine.

His hands were tied to another’s woe,

and loveth not the life he show.

Oh in life I found love not,

but in death I was free of my lot.

 

 

LAMENT OF DECLINATION

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So this’s the doom age they say?  Everything seem to creep on,

the one thing promising is the retirement sum.

Today the grays are dominant and the make-do is becoming useless,

Oh, these mixed feelings— all at once, makes me excited, nervous, stressed.

 

 

Time has certainly quieted, no make-do, gave up, slowed,

the lines are frightening, skin soggy, bowed.

Nothing a do, yet takes forever,

to the simplest whatever.

 

Finally seeing the dawning,

of every unfolding new morning,

never before… nothing else…an odd chapter  begins,

that play with the lazy day,  and I, succumbed to its gin.

And it puts me to sleep and wakes up me again,

from some frightening sounds of an old-time reign.

 

And yesterday, the mirror, like everything else, gave out a scare,

I stop admiring it times ago…for fear,

of seeing this dreary,  pitiful existence.

Eyes wet, puffy… then the bags take residence,

 

 

in this shaky, fragile, old sad.

Oh what the ages can do… enough bad,

still with some pride and will,

a struggle to control the ill.

The drooling speech, drooling,  continuous aches to move about,

and the interminable disease of age I fought,

desperate, to hold to a drifting sanity,

but lately there’s nothing to add to the society,

of life or to the people around me.

 

Who the heck they? I ponder in delirium,

Are they my kin?  I’m journeying closely home,

to a time, a state, a place where only losers can go.

Twice a kid, the good book I think said so,

oh, this is how it feels— to be totally vulnerable… helpless,

Christ…I wailed…what a mess.

 

Huh where’s all the fun now?!

Oh darn… retirement finally come.

 

 

 

 

 

 

LET’S GO VINNY

King of Reggae Bob Marley of Jamaica

Today was another extremely hot and humid day, and two figures away from the triple digits. The air conditioning from the small convenient store on the corner of seventh felt therapeutic against my skin. I stood there admiring the large Bob Marley picture on the wall while enjoying the cool atmosphere and was thinking that the store manager might have to go throw me outside to get rid of me. Obviously I wasn’t the only one or thing, thinking that way.

A girl and her Boxer Collie mix breed walked in, she joined a short line and I noticed admiringly, that the moment the dog’s leash went loose it sprawled out comfortably on the floor and closed its eyes. I couldn’t help gawking adorably in awe as like everyone else at his tall, poised structure covered with a well-groomed velvety brownish tan shag coat and easily decided he was one spectacular sight. While I wouldn’t want one for myself, I would definitely walk this one sometimes, I thought.

I chewed away at the gum I had bought and the customers after me were all gone now. The girl stood looking thoughtful with a pack of sanitary napkins peeping through the thinness of the faded white plastic bag she held. I could tell she was contemplating the heat and the rest of her journey. Her face was oily and she looked exhausted. I bet she was regretting her walk with such a terrible heat wave hovering.

I stared interestingly at her vividly uneasy appearance and then at her dog sprawled out in a totally opposite mood, so undisturbed and peacefully sleeping. Several minutes had passed before she took up his blue and yellow twisted cord leash and gently tugged it. The dog didn’t even stir so she momentarily pulled at it to attract its attention.

By this another line was filing out and getting closer to where the dog had laid motionless. Now the girl was silently upset and whispering in a firm tone: “Let’s go Vinny. Let’s go Vinny.” The dog didn’t budge even with her hands on him gentle shaking him. She cracked an apologetic smile at everyone and said, “He’s never like this.” She shook her head and impatiently poked Vinny to get up. He was making a fool of her and she was kind of looking embarrassed, more like pissed to me.

Finally Vinny opened his eyes and she cracked a smile of relief. “Let’s go Vinny.” She urged impatiently. She poked and tickled him to get up but Vinny still didn’t move. I was totally amused now and so were all the other patrons. Probably ‘Minutes Away Food Mart’ was the only little convenient store that allows pets for ten minutes. It was written boldly next to the Bob Marley picture on the wall and I guess that was all the time one needs to get their purchases. It was a little expensive to shop there so patrons as myself mostly buy an item or two that really was needed.

The manager, no doubt had been watching the show all along, got out of his secluded tinted glass cubicle and stepped briskly towards Vinny and his temp. The dog didn’t even look up and I felt pleased that now I had good reason to linger for a while longer in the convenience of a cool air without feeling like a squatter.

Unlike everyone else, probably I was the only one who already knew the reason behind the dog’s behavior. Simply put–Vinny was just trying to escape the terrible heat too. Christ the dog is sensitive enough to understand good from bad temperature.

The manager firmly poked Vinny to get up, but the dog just looked at him for a second then turned his head away while the poor girl pleaded and pulled at the leash. The manager akimbo, tapped his foot impatiently and told the girl firmly to lift her dog out of the store.

Vinny was more than half her size, probably over 70 lbs and it was already tormenting enough outside plus carrying a big dog was unimaginable. I had to stifle down an outburst of laughter as the poor girl panted and struggled to lift the stubborn dog up. She was glaring at Vinny as she stumbled outside. The manager shook his head in disbelief at the unusual situation. Once outdoors and back on the road the girl roughly dropped Vinny to the ground. The dog reluctantly but skillfully landed on his paws. I’m sure she wasn’t taking Vinny for a walk any time soon after today, I thought in much amusement.

 

LAST CHRISTMAS WHEN ICARLY VISITS

"Hi my name is Carly and if you're wondering, am a girl so who are you?"

“Hi my name is Carly and if you’re wondering, am a girl so who are you?”

"Ooh noo not my type...this big thing is all teeth, I wanna go home. Open this door at once."“Ooh noo not my type…this big thing is all teeth, I wanna go home. Open this door at once.”

"Let me out! Let me out please, I have to go home."

“Let me out! Let me out please, I have to go home.”

"Now why did you have to go and do this?  Did you have to put me up here? Christ put me back down...please now."

“Now why did you have to go and do this? Did you have to put me up here? Christ put me back down…please now.”

"Oops it seem so far down."

“Oops it seem so far down.”

"Oh gees this is scary, but- but I can't let them know am afraid to jump."

“Oh gees this is scary, but- but I can’t let them know am afraid to jump.”

"Oh no it seem so far down. What am I gonna do now. I simply can't jump, what a shame."

“Oh no it seem so far down. What am I gonna do now. I simply can’t jump, what a shame.”

image

"What a shame am afraid to jump."   Whimpering.

 Whimpering.

Carly rubbed her eye feeling tearful. Up on the sofa was no fun and she was scared to jump down. She might break a leg, she thought sadly.

Carly rubbed her eye feeling tearful. Up on the sofa was no fun and she was scared to jump down. She might break a leg, she thought sadly.

image” This is no sport at all.”

"Do you think I should try this jumping thingy? Do you? If you ask me, I think I need a break now. Am fed up ooh this is not good."

“Do you think I should try this jumping thingy? Do you? If you ask me, I think I need a break now. Oooh this is not good.”

 

"Put me down there please, I promise I'll master this jumpimg thingy the next time you see me...hope never."

“Put me down there please, I promise I’ll master this jumpimg thingy the next time you see me…hope never.”

"Thank you soo much, never been so happy to be down here. I love this floor. Thank God Am free."

“Thank you soo much, never been so happy to be down here. I love this floor. Thank God Am free.”

Carly tugged and gnawed on the rug in happiness.

Carly tugged and gnawed on the rug in happiness.

"Hey! My favorite fun, a ball. Thank you so much friend." Carly blurted in happiness and catch the tennis ball that was tossed to her.

“Hey! My favorite fun, a ball. Thank you so much friend.” Carly blurted in happiness and catch the tennis ball that was
tossed to her.

image

" my kinda fun, oh I love this ball, my ball."

” my kinda fun, oh I love this ball, my ball.”

"Look at me, am having fun!"

“Look at me, am having fun!”

"Wanna play?"

“Wanna play?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SPREE

 

November 1st, is originally Halloween’s special day, yet this endemic is commercialized and celebrated all throughout the month of October up to November and beyond. People of this day-and-age perceive Halloween as kids dressing up in breathtaking little costumes and scary face masks, turning up at doors in small groups bellowing the famous Trick Or Treat cliché. But the meaning of Halloween comes from a time and a place way back and deeper than a mere jar of candy or a cute kid in costume.

It is the archaic celebration of the SPIRITS, a combination of four (4) European Holidays:

Samhain, Feralia, All Saints’ Day and All Souls’ Days. These four holidays ignite one meaning that is the: ‘Celebration of the Dead,’ which now creates, what is called the highly celebrated season of Halloween which came from the old English term, meaning; All Hollows Eve.

Trick or Treat ?

It is…

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